How it used to be
by Ciaz
Summary: Tris has changed, and become cold and distant. Her friends tried to help her, but one by one they gave up. Now even Tobias has had enough and she is all alone. She has nowhere to go, and slowly she's started to fade into her own misory. Can she be saved? WIll it ever again be how it used to be?
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first Divergent fanfic, so if you could read and comment that would be of major help for coming chapters. Thank you :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own divergent or any of its characters. **

«Tobias! » I sit up so suddenly I almost fall out of bed, clasping the sheets with sweaty palms while frenetically searching my dark apartment, but I see nothing. Slowly my breath starts to steady and in able to process my surroundings. I'm alone in my apartment. There is no one there.  
I let my head hit my pillow again, my body relaxing somewhat. This is not the first time I've been awoken by my nightmares, but I never quite get used to them either. I think no one ever quite get over shooting their best friend.

I lie in bed another 5 minutes until I realize I won't be able to sleep again anyways, and decide to get up. I wish I had someone to talk to about these things, but as everyone thinks I'm a psycho these days, there is not much to about it.  
A pain shoots through me as I come to think of Tobias. It's less than a week since he left me. His parting words still feel like a dagger placed right though my heart: "You have changed Tris, you're no longer the girl I fell in love with. You've become cold and insensible, and I can't do this anymore".

Quickly I slip on a tight, black t-shirt and a pair of skinny jeans and head out the door. I need air. I don't know where I'm headed before I'm already there. I stand there, panting a little while looking around the train platform near the dauntless compounds. I take deep breath, soaking in the night air.

That's when I see him. About 20 meters away, someone is watching at me. Observing me. I try to make out his features, but his face is hidden by the shadows. I move a few steps closer, my heart pounding so hard it might just fall out of my chest. The other person is still not moving. I stop.  
"Hello?" my voice is no louder than a whisper, but I know he heard it, because he shivers slightly at the sound of my voice.  
No answer.  
I try again a little louder. I hold my breath and for a few seconds there is nothing, just the sound of the night and a train far away. It feels like forever until he finally moves. He takes one step, and that's all that's needed for his face to leave the shadows. The blood freezes in my veins, my breath stuck in my lounges.

It's Tobias.


	2. Chapter 2

**So, this is the second chapter. I know it's a little short, but i think it's better to upload short chapters more frequently rather than longer ones more rarely. Agreed? Anyways, i hope you enjoy ;)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own divergent or any of its characters. **

_Tobias POV:_

I had walked out here to clear my head, but I might as well have stayed in, because the cold air don't make the messy cloud of thoughts in my head go away. Arrghh, why can't just the black night swallow me whole, so that I'll never have to worry again?  
I close my eyes and let my ears soak in the night sounds, the buzzing of an old streetlamp, a crow's single craw against the night sky, the train buzzing and squeaking against the railway.  
I sigh and relax a little. Someone's panting.

Wait, what? What is anyone doing out here in the middle of the night? My eyes spring open, and in no time I see her. She's panting like she's been running, looking around. I slip silently deeper into the shadows, I don't want her to see me, and I don't want her to know that I'm here.  
I stand like that for a while, observing her. Her blonde hair cascading down her shoulders like a rain of gold, her face in a pained expression, like she's holding back tears. I suppress a sudden urge to run over and embrace her, I told myself and her that I can't continue what we had.

Then she spots me, her brows contorting as she tried to make out my face. I keep still, not moving, depending on the shadows to hide me.

"Hello?"

Her whisper makes my heart burst, and an uncontrolled shiver escaped my body. Her voice is full of pain, how could I ever leave her? I'm about to answer when she speaks again.

"Hello?" This time it's louder, and I can hear the cold edge that slowly became to be a part of her voice. That is the reason I can't make myself run into her arms, telling her it's ok. It's not. Suddenly I feel like I can't stand here anymore. I have to leave before my brain bursts again. I step forward, out of the shadows hiding my face.

_Tris POV:_

Tobias. It's Tobias!

He's not looking at me, but into the distance, and I feel like I'm invisible to him.

"Tobias!"

My voice is a whisper, and again he shudders at the sound of my voice, closing his eyes. Shutting me out. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, he turns on his heels, waking away, not even glancing at me as he walks. It's like someone just punched the air out of my lounges.

"What the hell Tobias?"

The words burst out of my mouth almost before I think of them. They sound sharp and are way too loud to fit in the silent night around us.  
Tobias stops dead, but still not turning.

"I know you are pissed at me, but that doesn't mean we can't talk? What right do you have to just walk away from me?"

I scream the words at him, tears welling from my eyes. Then he turns, and I can swear his eyes are no longer their usual dark blue, but black, reflecting the night sky as he locks my eyes on his.

"I have every right"

He's not screaming at me, though I wish he was. Screaming would have hurt less than this cold, monotone voice.

"I gave you everything, and for a while I thought you didn't give back because you were hurting too. Then I realized…"

His stare brakes away from mine, gazing over the dark horizon.

"You realized what?"

I spit out the words like they're toxic, a cold lump tightening my throat. He catches my eyes again, locks them to his so that I can't look away even if I want to.

"You have changed Tris, you're another person. I can't love you when all you do is sucking the life out of us both"

His voice almost pitying. Even though I have heard these words before, they're like a dagger in my stomach, and as Tobias turns and walks away, I crumple to the ground, defeated. His bare heels are the last thing I see before my tears fogs my eyes too much to see.

"I can change back" but the only one who catches my whispers, are the cold night.

**Btw, don't worry, she'll stop crying eventually, i've planned some exciting turns of events ;) And if you have some suggestions about what you think should happend, don't hesitate to mail me or comment, for even though I have planned out most of the story, new ideas are always welcome! Thank you :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own divergent or any of its characters. **

* * *

_Tobias POV:_

I feel like a sleepwalker as I walk into the cafeteria, my conversation with Tris last night had made it impossible to sleep. I can still hear her screaming at me, and hadn't my eyes already been dried out, I would probably still be crying. Me, crying. It's happened a little bit too often lately.

I focus my stare, and Zeke catch my eye, and I walk over to their table, snatching a dauntless cake at the way and slipping down on the seat between Zeke and Uriah.

"Hey, you okay?" Zeke looks worried, it must show that I've been crying.

"Umm, yeah, I just, umm… got allergies" I try to say it in a casual voice, but I can see that Zeke's not buying it. Anyways, he seems to get that I don't want to talk about it, and if I know him right, he doesn't either, so he leaves the subject.

That's when I see her. At the entrance to the cafeteria, Tris is standing all by herself. She looks exactly as she has done these last few weeks; cold, indifferent, not caring.  
A lump tightens in my throat, and I stare down at my piece of cake, which I suddenly don't want anymore, and try to block her out. Out of the corner of my eye however, I see her sitting down at a lonely table, only a piece of bread on her plate, abnegation food, but she doesn't start to eat. Instead I can see her body tense, her eyes flickering around in panic, before she storms out of the cafeteria, leaving her loaf of bread untouched.

It is now first that I realize I've openly been staring in her direction, and quickly I look anywhere else. Marlene, who is sitting at the other side of the table, is eyeing me.

"You could talk to her you know." My eyes find the piece of cake at my plate again.

"I don't know what you're talking about" I mutter as I start to nibble at the cake.

"You know what I'm talking about Four! I know you're hurting, but if you keep torturing yourself like this, it might just be better to talk it out of your system". She looks worried, but I don't meet her eyes. I hate when she's right.

"Sure, whatever" I keep nibbling at the cake, which suddenly tasted like dry chalk. Out of the corner of my eye, I see someone getting up and leaving out the door the same way Tris did only a few minutes ago. Peter.

* * *

_Tris POV:_

I haven't been in the cafeteria for breakfast since the brake, and as I walk in the door, I can feel people staring. Staring at the girl who went crazy.  
I shuffle over to the food stand, trying not to let anyone see how scared I am. I pick up a piece of toast, not feeling very hungry, and find myself a lonely table.

In the corner I can see the table where my friends… my ex-friends are sitting, laughing and talking. The only person who sits in silence is Tobias, who is looking at his cake as though they are in a staring contest. This makes me laugh a little, but I don't let it show. I sit down, looking at my toast.

"I've heard that she betrayed the entire faction, but they let her stay because she was crazy." I stiffen.

"Really? I doubt dauntless would do that. No, I just think she's crazy."

The low voices comes from somewhere behind, but I don't know who said them. Cold chills drizzles down my back and tears press against my eyelids. I can't do this, not now, not today! I storm out, leaving my breakfast behind. Once I'm out of the cafeteria, I start running, and this time I know where I'm headed.

It doesn't take long before I reach the chasm. I stop a few feet away, letting my breath slow before carefully moving towards the edge. Looking down into the chasm, I feel myself getting dizzy.

I stand like that for what feels like forever. I sigh.

"This is it. This will all be over. Now" I whisper the words for really to feel them, and a craving to get it over with shoots through my stomach.

"I really thought you were braver than that, you know." I spin around; not realizing someone was standing right behind me.

"I never took you for a quitter Tris, but it seems I were mistaken" An evil grin lights up his face.

I'm too stunned to speak as he walks towards me, stopping with his face inches from mine.

"It seems like you're a big coward after all." Peter grins again, as he locks his hand around my wrist.

**I swear these chapters just gets longer and longer, hehe. What do you think of the current situation? What do you imagine will happen now? Comment your thoughts, feedback is always appreciated ;)**


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